I appreciate all of me…now

I am 25 days away from my 50th birthday!!!!!!!!  Can I even get you to understand how excited I am about this milestone???  Heck no because sadly everyone doesn’t accept turning 50 well.  Not sure why, but I am as the saying goes these days I am living my best life.  I have done a few things for the first time in my life during this time, although my actual 50th year hasn’t started YET technically but I am taking the YEAR (started in January) to embrace it all.  I have allowed myself to be free.  Unencumbered by the prison I held myself captive in.  I’m now free to change my hair color because I am in fact not too dark for a blondish color.  I am free to eat caviar because you can’t really not like something you haven’t tried.  I am free to do some self maintenance that hurts for a little bit but the end result is smooth and like new.  I am free to be okay with a few extra pounds and buying the damn shoes and certainly eating the cake damnit!!!  I am free to love myself, my children, my spouse and my friends in the way that only I can love.  My spirit is strong and I am not afraid to say what needs to be said anymore.  Sorry, not sorry.  I am FREE!!!!  Just to be me and for that I am grateful.  Grateful to the people who stuck by me while I went through all the ups and downs of a potential failing marriage, bad ass kids, and growing pains of figuring out my own life.  I am grateful for the pain that I have endured, to learn that in order to grow you must experience growing pains.  I am grateful for the tears that I have shed because in order to grow you must cleanse your soul.  I am grateful for the heartache I have endured as it has taught me that pain don’t last always and that our hearts are more resilient than we thought.  I am grateful for the knowledge that comes from that dark place where you have to claw your way out of or give in to the darkness with no hope and remain sullen and miserable for the rest of your life. 

I am here with a purpose, vigor and resilience to ride out the next 50 years (if the Lord says the same) kicking ass and taking names.  Yes, to live my best life until the good Lord calls me home.  Wasted too much time already crying over silly shit and spilled milk.  Reclaiming my time and that time is now.  I appreciate my biggest fan – ME.  

 

 

 

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