November 26, 2020 Thanksgiving. One we will certainly not forget. In thinking while doing yard work the day after, I thought I am thankful for some things that were not good things. They were good at the end but they were not feel good moments.
I am thankful for the attempts and failures of relationships. The willingness to put yourself in a situation that you’ve been in before and it didn’t go so well. You put on your big girl or boy britches and attempt this relationship situation yet again…and yet again you get let down, disappointed, hurt and you know…on and on and on. However, in this scenario, its not for your lack of communication or confidence willingness to go outside of your comfort zone, this man or woman is just not good for you. Whether it be their lack of honesty or communication or lack thereof, the situation was just not going to work for you.
Guess what…be thankful that mess fell apart. They lied and misrepresented who they were and what they were about. You wanted to to work so you took signs thought to be the universe speaking to you while, that message was not yours…you skipped the one for you because what you thought was supposed to be. They lied about everything that was supposed to or going to happen…only to Michael Jackson moonwalk right out of your life. Be thankful as that was not yours to have. You dodged a bullet and for that be thankful.
I am thankful for 2020 and all that came with it (in a sense). Now 2020 ain’t been nobody’s friend but with all that we may think we lost (outside of actual deaths) we have or should have maybe gained some things. Insight on who we are and who is really down with us. Whether it was due to finding yourself in those quiet moments when as we quarantined there was nobody with you and you got in touch with your inner you…the you you don’t wanna deal with cause she or he causes you to really reflect and think on things that you wouldn’t if you were busy…in them streets. Thankful for the stillness…the moments of uncertainty because in those moments you have to….HAVE TO FIGURE IT OUT!!!!
It’s just you…you are the question and answer. YOU are the only one that can work on this as you are alone with YOURself. Thankful for the anxiety (hear me out) because I (this one is all me) had to put all those hours of therapy into play,. Talking out loud, in the mirror or not to see if this was a real issue or one that my head was making worse. The anxiety that had me stir crazy inside but fearful to go outside. The anxiety that made my chest hurt and on the verge of tears…for no good reason. It was in those times, and moments and spaces that I had to be patient and counselor. Now I could phone a friend, or make a virtual appointment but it was not necessary…because sometimes we just need to be still. Talk it out…think about all the logistics of the situation and then BREATHE!!!! Sounds simple…it’s not but anxiety will have you on the roof for no good reason…Thankful for the know how to work out whats a real problem versus the 5011 made up ones and still, still just to be sure call a friend and make sure even if it doesn’t make sense to them you are not too far gone. Thankful for friends that listen and talk and cry and let you be while keeping you sane.
Thankful for not being able to go out. Now this one is give and take as we found the grocery store, Target and or Walmart a social outing,..being safe and careful…we may have realized that being out can be overpriced, overrated and over exaggerated. Not being a super social butterfly had it’s disadvantages and advantages alike. During this 2020 though you realized that you can live and sit at home and it’s okay,. We all took our chances on what we wanted to do, safely or otherwise but that’s called life. It’s yours to live so go head with your bad self. Thankful for realizing that just cause it’s open don’t mean you gotta go…and you will be okay.
Thankful for not being married. Now this one is a doozy. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to be cooped up in a space with someone you didn’t like and who didn’t like you. Not being able to be anywhere but with them…and yall ain’t even speaking…Lawd have all the mercy. Nope, nope and NOPE. Thankful for saying enough is enough when it was said, and that things kinda just worked out the way they did in January before things got hot and heavy with the pandemic. I heard that a lot of relationships didn’t withstand the pandemic and while that is sad (for some not for all) it was just what was needed to see or realize that what you thought this thing was it was NOT!!! Going through the motions only last but for so long. Thankful for not having to live though an already failed situation with nowhere to go.
Thankful for high blood pressure. I was 203 at the beginning of December 2019. I also had become diagnosed with high blood pressure. I was not happy. I was stressed, but didn’t put headaches with high blood pressure. So again, pandemic, just me, ain’t going out…let’s get a bike. I hate the bike…HATE HER!!!! I made myself every day….30 minutes minimum get on it…eating better (a little) but moving more. Standing while I work, moving my feet, dancing or whatever…dropped some weight. Not off the meds yet but while quite a few folks packed on the pandemic poundage I was able to go the other way. Thankful that I decided to work on myself just for myself.
Things that we could or can be in a funk about, mad about, hurt about…can also be thankful moments of clarity, joy and rebirth. I am thankful for all the pain and hurt that 2020 has brought me as I know that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be and that life goes on. I am still here and despite the efforts of those that lied, misrepresented themselves and sought to cause harm….I rise and I rise higher,.
The flip side of thanksgiving…where that which doesn’t kill you certainly makes you stronger, wiser and better and thankful.