Perspective is everything!!!!! It’s amazing to me that at 52 I am still learning things about myself. For example, using a different word in discussing a subject changed my entire outlook on a conversation I was having with my best good girlfriend.
I realized just the other night that I am just fine. I am not damaged, I have some baggage, an overnight bag but I put my jewelry box in the corner. We were having the discussion about are you caring an overnight bag or a suitcase. The word suitcase has a negative connotation for me, so jewelry box made it better for me.
While that may not seem like a big deal for you, I realized that sometimes I have to find something that works better for me and that is absolutely ok. Something as simple as a word change made all the difference in my perspective on the subject. For me, suitcase was a negative term in that is represented to me the carrying of many awful things. Hurts, damages, traumas, denial, lack of knowledge due to age, failure to properly communicate and the infamous red flags. I had to realize that we don’t carry these things once we have dealt with them. They sometimes go away and sometimes they lessen but resurface with triggers.
Triggers come in various forms and we all have them. Right? Who knew. Even with that we have to learn how to cope or deal, conquer and overcome right? Not so fast. If it were that cut and dry we would all be living a care free, no worry life. However, we know that is not how it goes. We should all be skipping about, holding hands, giggling and enjoying unicorn farts that smell like our favorite childhood memories. That sounds amazing, now snap out of it because we know that is not how this plays out.
No, sadly, we are saddled with the burdens of life. Some of us start packing our suitcase earlier than others, traumas, abandonment issues, dysfunctional family issues. Then we grow up and pack our suitcases with the damage we accumulated along this journey called life. Mine had depression (since age 11 undiagnosed until my late 40’s), childhood trauma of abuse by a female family member, lack of communication with my mother, divorced twice before age of 28, not knowing how to effectively communicate. in a marriage, hell I didn’t know how to be married. My suitcase was full…
I am unpacking. Some of the big stuff I left at the therapist office on different trips to see her. They are safely tucked in the folds of the couch, under the couch or sprinkled about the room. I have had to unpack some of these things in the mirror. I had. to face myself and say, “I am not damaged”, “I am not tainted”, “I am worthy of love”, “I am enough”, and most importantly “I am complete.”
Unpacking is a tedious task but it’s rewarding. I am unpacking things that I didn’t even know I was carrying. Do you know how refreshing that is?? In being a newly single female after being married for 20 plus years, unpacking that suitcase is necessary and important. While the term Bitter Betty, may come to mind, I only own it a little bit. Yeah, bitterness is in the damn suitcase…that is just about empty. I want to set the suitcase on fire because I don’t want to lug it around anymore. I only want an overnight bag that has the essential items. Toothbrush, underwear, mismatch socks (cause that’s my thing), positive affirmations and my smile. Dat’s IT!!! I don’t wanna carry nothing heavier than 5 pounds.
As we prepare to spring forward tonight, I am looking forward to spring cleaning further my mental house and physical house. That suitcase may be sitting out for the garbage come Tuesday…
For a change is sure to come…and I am ready for it in all my magical glory!!!