A love letter to my biggest fan and critic. Me!

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My Dearest Self.

Hello. I pray this correspondence finds you well. I have been thinking about you and wanted to take the time to share some thoughts with you about you that stand out to me.

I want to first start by telling you I love you so much. I have watched you evolve and its been beautiful, like the lotus tattoo that you have. Little did you know that was not just something to get but something that would truly be part of your life story. Honey, I want to congratulate you on taking the leap I won’t say of faith but of sanity by walking away for that relationship that was no longer (although it hadn’t been for some time) fulfilling it’s purpose in your life. That was something huh? Yeah, but you did it. I can only suppose how scary that seemed until you actually did it and now look at you, all happy and peaceful and shit! I love it.

2020 was a bit of a mess for everybody and I can’t tell you how amazed I am that while you were still in the process of healing from that aforementioned situation, you managed to loose some weight (while others were taking on pandemic poundage) and not loose your mind. You held it down and continued to keep your wits about you. Do you know how proud I was to watch you work through what hurt you to come out stronger on the other side? Girl you did that!!! I also want to commend you on something you probably didn’t think much about but I noticed. You stayed consistent in being true to you. You had some deep and dope conversations with some great sister friends and had some spiritual connections that set your should ablaze. The most fascinating part about that was you then shared your knowledge to help a few other sister friends grow and adjust their crowns a little straighter. I’m surprised you didn’t hear me screaming for you. My pom poms lost all their hair I was shaking them so hard.

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You want to know what amazes me the most about you? Glad you asked. It’s your resilience sis. You’ve been down but never out, well that one time but that’s neither here nor there. Even when you thought you had it all together and tried to let your guard down just to be knocked down yet again. Even more when you thought a deeper connection of sorts seemed to be lined up in your sight and BAM, another false hope. You bounced back, slowly and with caution yet you kept going. It was amazing to see how you opened yourself up and even though it was disastrous, you cried a little well ok you cried a lot but you moved on, slowly again but still moving. You didn’t fall into that dark place that is so easy for you (and countless others) to slip back into, and I am so proud of you for keeping the light on like the Motel 6.

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My constant prayer for you is that you continue on this quest for life. That you continue to love endlessly, (even though we agree men suck; sometimes the right way, lol), believe once again in fairytales, and know that if all that fails, you still got me. I am here to listen, help you cry, dry your tears, cuss a lot, drink some wine, eat some food and when the day is done to hold you and rock you to sleep. You my girl, are my shero!! You inspire me everyday to be better than the day before. You have shown me what being a grown up looks like. It’s showing up regardless of how you feel, its pushing forward when it’s easier to just fall apart, it’s supporting your sister friends not because you have to but because you want to and you are always there to support your sisters, sometimes without them asking (you can be bossy sometimes).

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May you always dream bigger, love harder, hug longer and never forget how dope and amazing you truly are. I love you and that’s forever. If you need me I am always close, hammer in hand ready…to hammer a nail or something. Stay strong and stay true to you, my love; you got this.

Forever your biggest fan,

Me.

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