How To Fix My Broken Soul?

Just because it’s broken doesn’t mean its damaged forever.

My writings have become more than just a release of pet up frustrations and random emotions. As with this very writing I find myself freely without reservation being willing to go inside of the most dark places with candles and flashlights, lamps and night time vision goggles to expose all the shadows that haunt me even when the sun is out.

Think about that!! How dark are these recesses that they can even over take the brightest of days? Dark as night with no stars, no moon, no visible resemblance of life-yours or mine. No one is anywhere at all. Darkness.

This desolate place doesn’t just appear. It’s made. It’s built from all the ugly that your life is made of and some of us have more than others. Some of us have buried this so deep that we live in the darkness not even aware that we are buried like a mushroom. Living under lies and shit in the dark in solitude. So, like many of my writings they are a means to unfurl some spider web of thoughts or concerns I have allowed myself to get into (half the time looking right at it) still managing to run straight into it eyes wide open. Look Drea, where are you going????

Let’s talk about how to fix a broken soul though. The definition of soul is an emotional or intellectual energy or intestate especially as revealed in a work of art; the immaterial part of a human being or animal regarded as immortal. Your soul consists of your mind, character, thoughts and feelings. Let that marinate for a minute or two.

That to me is quite a mouthful. So how would one break a soul in the first place? Well a few personal examples I believe are childhood trauma, sexual abuse, loss of a parent at an early age, skewed family dynamics just to name a few and those few are quite enough I’d say.

Just for grins and giggles let’s add failed relationships as an adult, strained relationships with a parent or sibling, lack of self esteem mixed with some undiagnosed mental health issues; depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and no idea where to turn. Sounds like a freaking recipe for sure disaster. It in fact is just that. Baked at 350 degrees for years and you have the perfect broken soul cake, a beautiful disaster.

Whew, where do you even begin with all of that huh? Who would even want to bother with that hot ass mess. My answer is Jesus!!! Who else is even equipped to deal in miracles of this magnitude. Silence -absolutely no one. Superman maybe? As it turns out, the only entity able to fix this mess is the mess itself. It’s true, Kind of like a self cleaning oven. Well Ok, I’m not sure of the specifics to how that works but it’s a great metaphor.

Much like the self cleaning oven, a person must look inside of themself to assess the damage. Simply put, figure out where to even begin cleaning up this shit show. As with most messes what’s fresh on the surface is never the true source of the issue. That’s when the hard work comes in to determine what the root cause is…usually working backwards to the beginning. What a task, It’s gotta be done though, Why? Thanks for asking, As it stands already we know that hurt people hurt people right? No one needs more hurt in their lives. I would dare say we have all had a freaking-nough!!! Let’s work on healing. While a painful process the end result is beautiful.

How do I know…I am the beautiful disaster spoken of. This blog is definitely all about me. I have felt that I was not worthy, not enough, not deserving of any love, decent relationship with a male counterpart, hell I believed that I was emotionally unavailable for my children. I was a whole ass mess. I have not issue with that admission because I now know better. I am better. I, along with much therapy, some meds, prayers of this who love me and countless bottles of wine came to some different findings and conclusions. What we speak into the universe it what we receive. We believe what our thoughts are. We are in control of a lot of things we go through and those things we don’t control there is help for that. Almost like there’s an app for that. That app is called therapy.

The minions are trying to run amuck, SAT DOWN!!!

Mind blown right.

It works though. However you need to do it, just get it done. Cry it out, shout it out, write it down, sing it out, whatever you have to do it’s better out of your head than running amuck. The crazy in my head are the purple minions from the movie Despicable Me. They are mean, and full of mayhem. They knock shit over, they set shit on fire, they break windows and they torment each other. That vision to me is funny cause well, its in my head and I can see it. I had to get them under control though. it was a ruckus daily and it began to be quite overwhelming. I had to be an adult and do the hard things, I had to admit some things OUT LOUD and call myself out on some of my thoughts and behaviors. Thats when the healing began, the timer on the self cleaning oven started. It’s a process to heal our soul but it’s a necessary process, it has to be done in order to grow and learn and love and be better.

WE GOTTA DO IT!!!!

There is no option; we have to break the cycle of being hurt and continuing to hurt others. Our souls are broken and we need to fix them. We need to heal those children inside that have been hurt and grown into these hurt adults. Heal the soul, fix the hurt. I am so glad that my soul is in a better place and those minions are pretty calm these days. I had to do a lot of work to fix my soul and lord knows I am the better for it. We must admit, talking about these issues is the only way to get closure and fix our broken soul. Maybe it’s just me that has a broken soul, I doubt it but to each his/her own. No matter what the end result is you must do what’s good for YOUR SOUL!!!!!

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