Holding on until….

Well Shit!! When I tell you that sometimes I even amaze myself. Ok, well I am amazing, lol but sometimes I move in ways that take even me by surprise…who knew. So, here’s what I know today. We are the masters of our own universe. That’s it. We have to decide what is or isn’t going to work for us in our lives. Sometimes, well maybe its just me, ok mainly it’s just me however, I am slow to the gate. ALWAYS!! So with that being said, let me elaborate.

I’ve said this before about myself and it’s sad but it’s true. I am a holder-oner (yes it’s a word; ok maybe I made it up) of things, people and situations. Unfortunately, it has not yielded me any real positive results. Go figure. Right, cause who does that . Well, I do…of course. These last couple of years have been the most eye opening time of my life. I made it to 53 on the prayers of my ancestors cause it appears I was lacking a plethora of knowledge. Ok, maybe not, perhaps I am as I stated before a late bloomer…and that’s okay as long as I learn the lesson right? Precisely. Today’s lesson boys and girls goes a little bit like this.

You can not recreate a first time. Once the moment has passed, the opportunity is missed and things aren’t ever the same again.

Case in point.

I was supposed to attend an much anticipated and hugely talked about event. All the things were in place, the stage was set; however, once it was time for the event to begin, the star of the show failed to deliver.

Let me set the stage.

This event had been planned and prepared for almost a year. Not a haphazard or thrown together event. Strategic and methodical planning; it was going to be mind numbing. What a disappointment with the failure to launch. Now, let me say this, the planner knew in advance of the show, any and all things that may cause any discord in the performance of said event. It was all good, until it wasn’t. That was a kick in the face. In my hurt, and my sadness with the let down of the event not taking place, I shut down. My hurt revolved around the fact that for over a year the planner was aware of a particular issue with a major piece of the set and that was information that had been shared early on in the planning stages of making this production work – it was to be epic.

So in turn, I turned off all channels by which the event planner could reach me. I would not deal with you after you let me down in such a colossal way after this event was so talked up. I was expecting great and mighty things. Insert Price is Right sound when you lose the prize. Yeah it was like that.

That was November of 2020 (the year that was already a shit show) so I don’t know what I was expecting to go right that year. Fast forward spring 2021, I decide that I would reach out to the event planner to see if we could figure out what went wrong. We talked briefly about the lack of proper communication and how to get back on track. Well, as things go sometimes you want to try again, a do over if you will. Great, lets do that? Sounds good in theory.

Until…

Until you realize that this event has missed it’s time to shine. There are some things well, maybe most things, that once you have missed the mark, you might not be able to back track to get that particular event back on stage. It’s a mute point, there is no need for discussion and we can’t nor should we try to go back to the point in time where the feelings regarding this event were, whatever they were cause the Thrill is Gone, said in my B.B. King voice, the thrill is gone away. Here’s the piece and the peace; realizing that some things are not meant to be no matter how hard we want them to be. Read that again, I’ll wait…

Yeah, suck as it may here is my take on missed opportunities. Once it’s gone, it’s gone and sometimes once it’s gone it need to stay gone. You see, people make time for the things that they deem important. You don’t travel all day to get to a destination only to turn around and leave without seeing the destination. Who does that? Not many, but this wouldn’t be written if it didn’t happen at all. Life has many twists and turns and opportunities, it is up to us to navigate the twists and turns and to maximize each opportunity because opportunities unlike people don’t always have a second chance to give.

I have made the conscious decision to not allow second chances on missed opportunities when it comes to my life; you only get one time (anymore-now that I finally had enough) to make me cry, to push me away, to hurt my feelings, to give me your ass to kiss. Once that has happened it’s curtains for you. The deal is sealed and the fat lady has sang. It’s a wrap. I’ve held on to people much longer than any human should ever in the worst of situations. I have reacted poorly to other situations and failed to communicate my feelings, wants or needs adequately in other situations. Here’s the take away….I learned how to be better at that. I have learned how to listen with my ears and my heart. I have learned to breathe and not knee jerk and run at the first sight of danger, inconvenience or comfortability. I have also learned that in the event that the aforementioned things do happen it is fitting and proper after realizing you may have overreacted (again) to apologize (again) and hope for the best.

Hold on to the things and people that matter, the rest are just taking up space and using your good energy and you don’t really fulfill a purpose with them nor they with you, let them go. It’s not to say that you can’t maintain a ‘ship of some sort it just may not be the one you wanted or hoped for. You can’t make someone love you the way you love them. It may be best to either cut the ties completely or if applicable and doable without emotional trauma change the trajectory of what you thought this ‘ship was going to be.

Either way, don’t hold on to anything or anyone that would not be willing to do the same for you. Hold on until, you can’t hold any longer, then….let that shit go

2 thoughts on “Holding on until….

  1. Guuuuuurl this was a word! I’m one who’s always been big on second, third and fourth chances – easy to forgive and forget. Even on some of the most cutthroat backstabbing situations. I thought I was being the bigger person and believing I was being positive. What I was doing was placing myself as a doormat for others to stump all over me. Those forgive and forget and second chances are not rationed out like a pack of Now Laters at summer camp. Love YOU more than feeling a need to be loved or even supporting others.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s